Stuck

Oh man, it's bad right now. I am on Chapter 8, but it just won't flow. It's not right. I might need to trash what I've done so far, or at the very least just cut and move it to someplace later in the story. I opened with a fight scene between Kaila and Zoe and while it's not bad, in itself, it's maybe not working right at this particular point in the story.

I have been sitting here trying to add something to Chapter 8 to bring it back to life but it's seriously been HARD. I feel like I'm losing Zachary, himself, somehow. Not sure why. I know I've been stressed out lately, and I haven't felt good, physically, but I really do need to straighten out again and get back in there. It is going so well, and has such potential RIGHT THERE, in front of me. So why the blocky feeling right now?! It's incredibly frustrating and more than a little depressing.

I need to sit down, with music playing, and read everything I have written so far from chapter 1 on and then just start a fresh chapter 8. That way I can do it with momentum behind what I write, and his voice will be strong in my head again.

I doubt I can pass blame for the writer's block, but part of me wonders if some of the stuff I've been looking at lately is affecting me somehow. I loved the book, but did "The Host" subconsciously intimidate me? Am I really worried that my book might seem too similar to "The Pretender" now that I've watched four episodes? (The one doctor character is very similar to Dr. Bergen, and the Center is similar to the Complex...but really, is that so much to paralyze my creativity? I hope not! Because I know my story is quite different than that show's plot.) I just fear being thought of as a hack or someone who steals ideas. This story's been a part of me for so damn long (a third of my life so far!) that it hurts to imagine anyone thinking it was anything other than MINE.

Either way, I have got to get back to work. And shake these silly paranoid fears and feelings of inadequency once and for all. It's stupid and a waste of time and energy. I've got to write it, and write it as soon as possible. Who knows how much time I've really got? My mortality is strangely and unnervingly on my mind lately.

How to Start Eight

I finished Chapter 7 on Friday night! It was the fastest chapter to write so far. Zoe's there, she's had her first anger-moment, and Zachary's decided he doesn't like her. Oh, and Dr. Murphy's back, too. He actually went to the mainland and brought Zoe back with him. They know one another. He had been staying at the mainland facility while recuperating; and, later I want to make it known that for years now he has been going back there to work with Zoe off and on. There were times he was away from the island and Zachary didn't care where he went because, well, he doesn't like Dr. Murphy. But that's why there's a level of familiarity there between Murphy and Zoe.

Trish has read chapters 4-7 in the space of a couple of days and she's given me such nice compliments I don't know what to say. She did give me a note for Chapter 6... take out references to "getting some." She pointed out they wouldn't really put that on Zachary right now, one thing at a time. Even if they know it might happen (MIGHT), they really wouldn't be talking about it.

Notes:
* Want to do more water scenes. Show how at-home he can be in the water.
* What's wrong with his back? Is it nerve damage or not?
* Is he still "sick" and if so, will it progress anytime soon?
* Where's Paul Spencer these days? Will he come back for a visit, or to implement some change that he's paid for?
* I want to have a scene where Jacob betrays Zachary's trust.
* Why didn't they ever talk about Zoe before? I need to have a good reason.
* When do we learn what happened to Feem? And when we do, will it play out like it did in my other draft where they are at dinner and someone tells the story, and then Zachary remembers it (pretty much verbatim from the old draft...and this is going to be the ONLY scene that survives this way!).
* Still be thinking of how he leaves the island.
* Can we see Bruce? And the other hybrids interacting with Zachary directly?

In other news I am almost done reading "The Host." Stephenie Meyer's done it again. I love her style. I love the things he chooses to include in her storytelling, and the way her characters think. I love the first person thing! I am just so, so inspired by her stuff. I've never felt like someone else's style feels like my own style. I think that way, too, and hopefully write that way. I've also noticed she has some very short chapters. So I should keep that in mind, too... I'd love to find out what her typical wordcount per chapter is. Just an fyi.

The many meanings of "action"

I'm well into Chapter 6 now. It's all talking so far, which has me a little worried. But it might need to happen that way. I mean, the stuff that happens WOULD entail a lengthy conversation or two...it's the most exciting thing to come along for Zachary and probably even the rest of the team, in a long time.

I surprised myself in describing (and thinking of) Zoe as a soldier. She's always been a kind of wild child in the other versions of the book... and you know what, maybe she still is. Even though she works with the military it can't change her inherent traits. Besides, Zoe having this military experience can be a nice contrast between the two of them, a contrast that wasn't there before.

Anyway, if all goes well, tonight I'll finish the chapter and start Chapter 7. I can't fall into that old trap of "putting off writing the good stuff", as I like to call it. I did that for the entire last version of this story and it wasn't fun. I lost interest. I will NOT let that happen with this one! My goal is to finish it this year, if not by the end of the summer. It'll mean watching fewer Netflix movies and forcing Greg to be a writing-widower, but it should pay off when it's all done. I just need that ONE first, complete draft. And then I can find an agent. I'm really confident I can get one for some reason. Now getting it published? That's too far out to try to imagine. I'll take it one step at a time, thanks.

And enjoy the writing in the meantime. Because it IS just the most fun.

Searching for a Chapter 6 Start

I finished Chapter 5 the other night! I am still not sure about it, of course. I hardly ever feel entirely sure about anything I do on this book...but as long as it's holding my interest I figure that's the most I can hope for, really. "Write what you want to read" is the BEST advice ever. Thanks, Anne Rice (1990) and Stephenie Meyer (2008)!

I took out the silly tight wetsuit business. Whew. He does the OWE, hits on one of the trainers, and talks to Bridget and Dr. Bergen about, well... ;)

Fun.

Personal circumstances have diverted my attention for the past couple of days, though. So I haven't started Chapter 6 yet. But I have a feeling it will come kind of easily once I get started since I am so psyched about what's coming up. I just need to think of a good pick-up line of dialogue, since I end Chapter 5 with an important line...and I want it to go right into the same scene again. I like how I ended Chapter 5, actually.

Notes: not many right now, other than having fun thinking of all this stuff. I've got to get down to business ASAP.

Feedback and...a wetsuit? Huh?

Over the weekend, I did some serious editing of Chapters 2, 3 and 4, mostly based on feedback I got from Greg on Saturday night. The major issues were making the dialogue a little more authentic, cutting down on 'lists' of events (evident in that part in Chapter 2 where Z lists all the escape attempts...yawn), and cleaning up awkward wording. I'm very pleased with what came out of it, and today I sent the brand-new chapters 2-4 off to H and A, at their request. Again, I love that people are asking to read more. It's just the neatest feeling ever.

J and D at work both gave me some feedback as well. Some interesting thoughts that came out of it so far:

* J thought that Zachary should be younger if this is a YA novel. I wouldn't mind going 18, maybe 17...but younger than that does not interest me for this book. For one thing, Zachary's pretty developed, mentally, at the point where this story begins. He's figured out he can't be bossed around, and he's rebellious but with brains behind it. He's smart. How did he get schooled? I will need to bring this up soon, too.

* J also says he forgot sometimes that he was reading about a male protagonist. OK, this one bothers me because I do NOT want to have too much of myself go into Zachary's voice. I wonder if J thinks this because he knows I'm a female writing this book and he can't get away from that fact? I don't know. Either way, I asked D if she thought the same thing and she assured me that no, she never mistook Zachary's voice for a feminine voice. Whew. It still gave me a little panic moment.

* D thinks the presentation scene in Chapter 4 drags a bit. Maybe I can take a look at the pacing there and see what it could be.

* D also wants to see more of the dog. She also didn't catch Zachary's age, oddly enough...or the quick mention of Zachary playing with Dingo at the very end of chapter 4. Hmm. Anything there to consider?

Two people (G & D) have told me now to watch "The Pretender" after they read these new chapters. So that's something I definitely will do. I'm a little worried that something is there that's too similar for my book's good (will people think I am copying the Pretender?!), but perhaps it will just give me some ideas of what not to do or what to do, etc. We'll see.

CHAPTER 5 is officially underway.

I don't know what I'm doing. I just added some newer stuff to what I had started last week, but it's not much and it's more narrative backstory stuff. Finding out what they've been doing to keep Zachary under control these past three months since he's had the implant. That's all fine and good, but for some reason I started writing the scene that he is getting ready to do Open Water Exercises. Wouldn't be a problem if I didn't write a silly bit about him realizing his wetsuit is too tight. Huh? What's THAT got to do with anything?? It cracks me up right now. It's written dead serious, of course...but I'm laughing thinking of Zachary and his various wetsuit mishaps and bloopers. So yeah, I have to go back and maybe think of something to replace all that with.

I've got the two possible Paul scenarios to consider, too. He can either be 1)capitalist entrepreneur or 2) a type of terrorist. I think #2 is the more interesting option so I will probably go with that. Maybe his wife is the reason he's so passionate about doing what he wants to do. Maybe... I don't know yet. So much to think about.

Zachary's going to cockblock Jacob soon, too. Awesome. :)

Blushing

It can be hard for me to believe it sometimes, but the consensus so far is incredibly favorable among the people who have been reading it so far! I love it, I admit it. I love hearing what people like about this story, and that it is actually working.

I'm just really glad I took the leap and sent it to people. Bloggers who have never met me are giving me great feedback, and friends, family and co-workers are asking to see more! Just yesterday two people wanted everything up to Chapter 4. I didn't bring the book up...they asked me out of the blue. How cool is that?? Pinch, pinch...

Now I definitely need to get down to work on Chapter 5. I just need to figure out a strong way to open it. That's my goal for today...think of the opening.

And I think for once I'll bask just a little in this cool feeling of "I'm on the right track, believe it or not." :)

The Difficult Chapter 4

Last night, I finally finished my first full draft of chapter 4. It was the hardest chapter to write so far, I think, because so much is explained about the work they are doing at the Complex. I wanted to introduce the hybrids, have a scene where Zachary is introduced, figure out why these people were there for this particular presentation and why they feel "different" to Zachary than the federal/military guests in the past...and I wanted to show some sort of change in Zachary's behavior since the end of Chapter 3, when something was mysteriously done to him.

The good news is, I think I know who Paul Spencer is for the most part. He is an investor, and yes, he had been to the Complex years earlier and had seen Zachary from a distance. He's probably the most enthusiastic investor since he's been trying to get involved for about a decade or so (he's connected with the government somehow even though he's business), but he's approaching it differently than the other investors. He is focused primarily on Zachary for some reason, even making direct contact with him and giving him a business card to get in touch with him. This is VERY unusual-- he's under such tight control, no one ever contacts Zachary without going through Dr. Bergen's team first-- and it gets Zachary's interest. He feels like Paul treats him differently, makes him feel a little more powerful, more of a human being or something.

The question is, what is Paul up to? I think he wants to use Zachary for something, maybe some type of work, development of a product... but I've also been thinking of what it would mean if Paul was actually angling to take DOWN the Coalition because he doesn't agree with the ethical/religious problems this project entails. Or, he could be working with someone who has this goal. He's getting a financial hold on the project so it can be attacked from the inside.

I have to decide which way I want to go. Either way, Paul cannot be what he seems. He's good at what he's doing, even fooling Zachary and Dr. Bergen, but at the end of the day I think Paul will either be the person, or be working with the person, who will want to kill Zachary. (One: he has to die because he's an abomination, or two: he's intellectual property and if he escapes, he has to be stopped.)

And yes, next chapter will bring up the Zoe thing for the first time. Zachary didn't always live on the island; there was a time when the project split into two factions... one, the military kept active control over, and the other was more health-related federal official business. Zachary and half of the team went to the island so they could do the more controversial research in private; a few hybrids stayed on the mainland under tight military control. Zoe was left behind; had more obvious weapon-related characteristics. Zachary will vaguely remember a little girl... but since they left when he was about 4 years old, he doesn't have much of a memory of her.

I think Chapter 5 needs to illustrate his frustration again. Sure, now he is stuck with that horrible implant, and he is wearing an ankle bracelet to track his movements so he can't get far if he escapes, so he is limited to what he can do. But I think he'll find a way to break some rule again. It might be that he sabotages something (equipment, samples, doesn't cooperate with a procedure, publicly refuses to do something akin to a 'trick') again. He's bored and longing for the outside world in a BIG way. Bridget, after talking with the team, suggests it could be time to bring Zachary and Zoe together again. And bringing her to the Complex could possibly be the enticement he needs to want to stay there on the Island, happily complying with the researchers' orders.

They hope so, anyway. That's putting a lot of stock in his sex drive. As if that's the only thing he's after in escaping the Complex.

At some point, I also want him to coerce Amy, the girl in administration, to let him look up Paul Spencer on the internet. Just to show he's proactive in wanting to know more, rather than just sitting there waiting for something to be done to him.

Note to self: Go back and keep Chapter One at hand at all times. Match the tone and his motivations. Keep it consistent, especially now that things are getting complicated and the plot is taking off.