Over the weekend, I did some serious editing of Chapters 2, 3 and 4, mostly based on feedback I got from Greg on Saturday night. The major issues were making the dialogue a little more authentic, cutting down on 'lists' of events (evident in that part in Chapter 2 where Z lists all the escape attempts...yawn), and cleaning up awkward wording. I'm very pleased with what came out of it, and today I sent the brand-new chapters 2-4 off to H and A, at their request. Again, I love that people are asking to read more. It's just the neatest feeling ever.
J and D at work both gave me some feedback as well. Some interesting thoughts that came out of it so far:
* J thought that Zachary should be younger if this is a YA novel. I wouldn't mind going 18, maybe 17...but younger than that does not interest me for this book. For one thing, Zachary's pretty developed, mentally, at the point where this story begins. He's figured out he can't be bossed around, and he's rebellious but with brains behind it. He's smart. How did he get schooled? I will need to bring this up soon, too.
* J also says he forgot sometimes that he was reading about a male protagonist. OK, this one bothers me because I do NOT want to have too much of myself go into Zachary's voice. I wonder if J thinks this because he knows I'm a female writing this book and he can't get away from that fact? I don't know. Either way, I asked D if she thought the same thing and she assured me that no, she never mistook Zachary's voice for a feminine voice. Whew. It still gave me a little panic moment.
* D thinks the presentation scene in Chapter 4 drags a bit. Maybe I can take a look at the pacing there and see what it could be.
* D also wants to see more of the dog. She also didn't catch Zachary's age, oddly enough...or the quick mention of Zachary playing with Dingo at the very end of chapter 4. Hmm. Anything there to consider?
Two people (G & D) have told me now to watch "The Pretender" after they read these new chapters. So that's something I definitely will do. I'm a little worried that something is there that's too similar for my book's good (will people think I am copying the Pretender?!), but perhaps it will just give me some ideas of what not to do or what to do, etc. We'll see.
CHAPTER 5 is officially underway.
I don't know what I'm doing. I just added some newer stuff to what I had started last week, but it's not much and it's more narrative backstory stuff. Finding out what they've been doing to keep Zachary under control these past three months since he's had the implant. That's all fine and good, but for some reason I started writing the scene that he is getting ready to do Open Water Exercises. Wouldn't be a problem if I didn't write a silly bit about him realizing his wetsuit is too tight. Huh? What's THAT got to do with anything?? It cracks me up right now. It's written dead serious, of course...but I'm laughing thinking of Zachary and his various wetsuit mishaps and bloopers. So yeah, I have to go back and maybe think of something to replace all that with.
I've got the two possible Paul scenarios to consider, too. He can either be 1)capitalist entrepreneur or 2) a type of terrorist. I think #2 is the more interesting option so I will probably go with that. Maybe his wife is the reason he's so passionate about doing what he wants to do. Maybe... I don't know yet. So much to think about.
Zachary's going to cockblock Jacob soon, too. Awesome. :)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Blushing
It can be hard for me to believe it sometimes, but the consensus so far is incredibly favorable among the people who have been reading it so far! I love it, I admit it. I love hearing what people like about this story, and that it is actually working.
I'm just really glad I took the leap and sent it to people. Bloggers who have never met me are giving me great feedback, and friends, family and co-workers are asking to see more! Just yesterday two people wanted everything up to Chapter 4. I didn't bring the book up...they asked me out of the blue. How cool is that?? Pinch, pinch...
Now I definitely need to get down to work on Chapter 5. I just need to figure out a strong way to open it. That's my goal for today...think of the opening.
And I think for once I'll bask just a little in this cool feeling of "I'm on the right track, believe it or not." :)
I'm just really glad I took the leap and sent it to people. Bloggers who have never met me are giving me great feedback, and friends, family and co-workers are asking to see more! Just yesterday two people wanted everything up to Chapter 4. I didn't bring the book up...they asked me out of the blue. How cool is that?? Pinch, pinch...
Now I definitely need to get down to work on Chapter 5. I just need to figure out a strong way to open it. That's my goal for today...think of the opening.
And I think for once I'll bask just a little in this cool feeling of "I'm on the right track, believe it or not." :)
Monday, April 21, 2008
The Difficult Chapter 4
Last night, I finally finished my first full draft of chapter 4. It was the hardest chapter to write so far, I think, because so much is explained about the work they are doing at the Complex. I wanted to introduce the hybrids, have a scene where Zachary is introduced, figure out why these people were there for this particular presentation and why they feel "different" to Zachary than the federal/military guests in the past...and I wanted to show some sort of change in Zachary's behavior since the end of Chapter 3, when something was mysteriously done to him.
The good news is, I think I know who Paul Spencer is for the most part. He is an investor, and yes, he had been to the Complex years earlier and had seen Zachary from a distance. He's probably the most enthusiastic investor since he's been trying to get involved for about a decade or so (he's connected with the government somehow even though he's business), but he's approaching it differently than the other investors. He is focused primarily on Zachary for some reason, even making direct contact with him and giving him a business card to get in touch with him. This is VERY unusual-- he's under such tight control, no one ever contacts Zachary without going through Dr. Bergen's team first-- and it gets Zachary's interest. He feels like Paul treats him differently, makes him feel a little more powerful, more of a human being or something.
The question is, what is Paul up to? I think he wants to use Zachary for something, maybe some type of work, development of a product... but I've also been thinking of what it would mean if Paul was actually angling to take DOWN the Coalition because he doesn't agree with the ethical/religious problems this project entails. Or, he could be working with someone who has this goal. He's getting a financial hold on the project so it can be attacked from the inside.
I have to decide which way I want to go. Either way, Paul cannot be what he seems. He's good at what he's doing, even fooling Zachary and Dr. Bergen, but at the end of the day I think Paul will either be the person, or be working with the person, who will want to kill Zachary. (One: he has to die because he's an abomination, or two: he's intellectual property and if he escapes, he has to be stopped.)
And yes, next chapter will bring up the Zoe thing for the first time. Zachary didn't always live on the island; there was a time when the project split into two factions... one, the military kept active control over, and the other was more health-related federal official business. Zachary and half of the team went to the island so they could do the more controversial research in private; a few hybrids stayed on the mainland under tight military control. Zoe was left behind; had more obvious weapon-related characteristics. Zachary will vaguely remember a little girl... but since they left when he was about 4 years old, he doesn't have much of a memory of her.
I think Chapter 5 needs to illustrate his frustration again. Sure, now he is stuck with that horrible implant, and he is wearing an ankle bracelet to track his movements so he can't get far if he escapes, so he is limited to what he can do. But I think he'll find a way to break some rule again. It might be that he sabotages something (equipment, samples, doesn't cooperate with a procedure, publicly refuses to do something akin to a 'trick') again. He's bored and longing for the outside world in a BIG way. Bridget, after talking with the team, suggests it could be time to bring Zachary and Zoe together again. And bringing her to the Complex could possibly be the enticement he needs to want to stay there on the Island, happily complying with the researchers' orders.
They hope so, anyway. That's putting a lot of stock in his sex drive. As if that's the only thing he's after in escaping the Complex.
At some point, I also want him to coerce Amy, the girl in administration, to let him look up Paul Spencer on the internet. Just to show he's proactive in wanting to know more, rather than just sitting there waiting for something to be done to him.
Note to self: Go back and keep Chapter One at hand at all times. Match the tone and his motivations. Keep it consistent, especially now that things are getting complicated and the plot is taking off.
The good news is, I think I know who Paul Spencer is for the most part. He is an investor, and yes, he had been to the Complex years earlier and had seen Zachary from a distance. He's probably the most enthusiastic investor since he's been trying to get involved for about a decade or so (he's connected with the government somehow even though he's business), but he's approaching it differently than the other investors. He is focused primarily on Zachary for some reason, even making direct contact with him and giving him a business card to get in touch with him. This is VERY unusual-- he's under such tight control, no one ever contacts Zachary without going through Dr. Bergen's team first-- and it gets Zachary's interest. He feels like Paul treats him differently, makes him feel a little more powerful, more of a human being or something.
The question is, what is Paul up to? I think he wants to use Zachary for something, maybe some type of work, development of a product... but I've also been thinking of what it would mean if Paul was actually angling to take DOWN the Coalition because he doesn't agree with the ethical/religious problems this project entails. Or, he could be working with someone who has this goal. He's getting a financial hold on the project so it can be attacked from the inside.
I have to decide which way I want to go. Either way, Paul cannot be what he seems. He's good at what he's doing, even fooling Zachary and Dr. Bergen, but at the end of the day I think Paul will either be the person, or be working with the person, who will want to kill Zachary. (One: he has to die because he's an abomination, or two: he's intellectual property and if he escapes, he has to be stopped.)
And yes, next chapter will bring up the Zoe thing for the first time. Zachary didn't always live on the island; there was a time when the project split into two factions... one, the military kept active control over, and the other was more health-related federal official business. Zachary and half of the team went to the island so they could do the more controversial research in private; a few hybrids stayed on the mainland under tight military control. Zoe was left behind; had more obvious weapon-related characteristics. Zachary will vaguely remember a little girl... but since they left when he was about 4 years old, he doesn't have much of a memory of her.
I think Chapter 5 needs to illustrate his frustration again. Sure, now he is stuck with that horrible implant, and he is wearing an ankle bracelet to track his movements so he can't get far if he escapes, so he is limited to what he can do. But I think he'll find a way to break some rule again. It might be that he sabotages something (equipment, samples, doesn't cooperate with a procedure, publicly refuses to do something akin to a 'trick') again. He's bored and longing for the outside world in a BIG way. Bridget, after talking with the team, suggests it could be time to bring Zachary and Zoe together again. And bringing her to the Complex could possibly be the enticement he needs to want to stay there on the Island, happily complying with the researchers' orders.
They hope so, anyway. That's putting a lot of stock in his sex drive. As if that's the only thing he's after in escaping the Complex.
At some point, I also want him to coerce Amy, the girl in administration, to let him look up Paul Spencer on the internet. Just to show he's proactive in wanting to know more, rather than just sitting there waiting for something to be done to him.
Note to self: Go back and keep Chapter One at hand at all times. Match the tone and his motivations. Keep it consistent, especially now that things are getting complicated and the plot is taking off.
Monday, April 14, 2008
A Little Direction...
I haven't written in a few days, but it's only because the logistics of it haven't worked out. We drove out to California on Saturday, and then yesterday it was a day of errands and cleaning. However, this week a lot should be happening in the book!
I was stuck, a little, because I didn't know what to do with this new character I threw into the mix, Paul Spencer. Thought he'd be the Secretary of Defense, but something about that didn't feel right. I am still hesitant to go the "Zachary as a weapon" route...and it felt too obvious to have the S of D there. So finally, after a lot of thought, I woke up yesterday morning with my solution. He's not in the government, but he certainly is tied into the government in a capitalist sort-of way. He's a Trump guy, for lack of a better description.
I think I figured out how Z's going to get off the Island. And how he will come to meet Zoe.
I realized, too, that I had to give Bridget something. I mention her in Chapter 1 and then we never really see her or anything. So she'll play a part in some of Chapter 4 and definitely 5. She's actually a catalyst for something happening.
Tim's coming for a visit. This gives me a way for Zachary to get his contact information for later on. They're going to set a tentative plan...of course, they'll need to figure it out on a private walk away from any cameras, etc.
MY NOTE:
Entrepreneurs, investors... they all want something to invest in. Want to be the first at anything cutting-edge. Futurists are their best friends. And that's going to be key, going forward.
Today's unanswered questions:
* Who will ask about Feem and thereby get the flashback story? Paul, or Zoe?
* Again...how and why do the dolphins get to the ocean?
* How will Zachary get his lenses? Paul? Or does he have them already for "trips to town"?
* Can we maybe work in Dingo again? He's got a nice dog. Let's see him!
* How does Zachary communicate with 6104? Is there a psychic thing there, maybe?
"I am concerned about the whole man. I am concerned about what the people, using their government as an instrument and a tool, can do toward building the whole man, which will mean a better society and a better world." -- Lyndon B. Johnson.
I was stuck, a little, because I didn't know what to do with this new character I threw into the mix, Paul Spencer. Thought he'd be the Secretary of Defense, but something about that didn't feel right. I am still hesitant to go the "Zachary as a weapon" route...and it felt too obvious to have the S of D there. So finally, after a lot of thought, I woke up yesterday morning with my solution. He's not in the government, but he certainly is tied into the government in a capitalist sort-of way. He's a Trump guy, for lack of a better description.
I think I figured out how Z's going to get off the Island. And how he will come to meet Zoe.
I realized, too, that I had to give Bridget something. I mention her in Chapter 1 and then we never really see her or anything. So she'll play a part in some of Chapter 4 and definitely 5. She's actually a catalyst for something happening.
Tim's coming for a visit. This gives me a way for Zachary to get his contact information for later on. They're going to set a tentative plan...of course, they'll need to figure it out on a private walk away from any cameras, etc.
MY NOTE:
Entrepreneurs, investors... they all want something to invest in. Want to be the first at anything cutting-edge. Futurists are their best friends. And that's going to be key, going forward.
Today's unanswered questions:
* Who will ask about Feem and thereby get the flashback story? Paul, or Zoe?
* Again...how and why do the dolphins get to the ocean?
* How will Zachary get his lenses? Paul? Or does he have them already for "trips to town"?
* Can we maybe work in Dingo again? He's got a nice dog. Let's see him!
* How does Zachary communicate with 6104? Is there a psychic thing there, maybe?
"I am concerned about the whole man. I am concerned about what the people, using their government as an instrument and a tool, can do toward building the whole man, which will mean a better society and a better world." -- Lyndon B. Johnson.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Well into Chapter 4
I've done some work to Chapter 3 to fix some of the pacing problems, adding a lot more to the scene at the pool. I think it reads a little better now; plus, it fills in a little more information about what they are doing with the hybrids. I do make mention of 6104 and I'm not sure if the reader has the patience to wait for the explanation of who 6104 is in the first part of Chapter 4. I'll need to ask my awesome reader-friends what they think.
Chapter 4 is now 2,850 words in. I reworked the opening, adding more to set the time (three months later, making it near the end of December), place and situation. Made first mention of the "shoulder implant"-- this is one of the things they did to him when they knocked him out at the end of Chapter 3. Tweaked the Jacob part a little. I hope I'm not being pretentious by adding the "Triumph and Disaster" line to his little joke; I'd hope it would make people want to find the poem themselves, but maybe it's too much to ask. I need input.
Zachary has just been introduced to the group and they're reacting differently than he'd expected. He's nervous. Why is he nervous? Why are these particular people here? What do they want? Why is Zachary such a shock to them, when they clearly knew about the others already?
At this point, we need explanation of what the next step is. Clearly the "Coalition" (needs new name!) has a plan, another phase. So let's introduce it to Zachary now. Let's set the stage for action, something bigger.
I estimate that by the end of Chapter 5 the latest, he will be off the Island. And we'll hopefully know about Zoe.
I can't WAIT to get to Zoe!! I don't know how it's going to go anymore. One way or another it will be so much fun to get back into her again. I always loved writing Zoe.
Chapter 4 is now 2,850 words in. I reworked the opening, adding more to set the time (three months later, making it near the end of December), place and situation. Made first mention of the "shoulder implant"-- this is one of the things they did to him when they knocked him out at the end of Chapter 3. Tweaked the Jacob part a little. I hope I'm not being pretentious by adding the "Triumph and Disaster" line to his little joke; I'd hope it would make people want to find the poem themselves, but maybe it's too much to ask. I need input.
Zachary has just been introduced to the group and they're reacting differently than he'd expected. He's nervous. Why is he nervous? Why are these particular people here? What do they want? Why is Zachary such a shock to them, when they clearly knew about the others already?
At this point, we need explanation of what the next step is. Clearly the "Coalition" (needs new name!) has a plan, another phase. So let's introduce it to Zachary now. Let's set the stage for action, something bigger.
I estimate that by the end of Chapter 5 the latest, he will be off the Island. And we'll hopefully know about Zoe.
I can't WAIT to get to Zoe!! I don't know how it's going to go anymore. One way or another it will be so much fun to get back into her again. I always loved writing Zoe.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Productive Trip to Washington DC
Well, I've been writing!
I flew to DC for work on Wednesday, and on the plane and in the hotel before and after I was done for the day, I finished Chapter 3. Amazing! The best part was, I went right into Chapter 4 on the plane ride home and got probably 1/3 of the way into it.
Thursday night I was so excited about finished Chapter 3 that I was kind of jumping on the hotel bed. I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking of where the story goes next, practicing dialogue in my head...it was awesome!
I have a LOT of work to do, but it's fun.
I have been doing a little background research into genetic engineering, basically to update myself on where the technology is now as opposed to where it was 10 years ago when I was thinking of this topic. I need terms and scientific info so that I can base my fiction in fact. I won't need to get overly technical...especially since this is a YA novel... but I still need to know HOW it would WORK. I think that the researchers at the Complex are working on proteomics, which is the study of the interaction between proteins and gene sequences. A major area of interest to scientists today is how proteomics might help in the development of drugs, treatments, etc. for a variety of diseases.
It may be that the work there at the Complex is not so much about developing a soldier or weapon, but finding cures for diseases. I'm not sure, though. Overall, their goal is to...what? See, I need to clarify that so I know what they want Zachary for. Like I said, my work is cut out for me.
In other news, Jacob is developing a character. I spent awhile yesterday reading up on Rudyard Kipling, because I decided out of the blue that Jacob is a distant relation to Kipling (they share the same last name) and wanted to see if that happened to be a good match for him. Turns out, YES. I think some literary correlations will be found as I write this. Note to self: read the poem "If...". Possibly find a title for the book within this poem. At the very least, it could provide an abstract framework for Jacob's motivations and career choices. Plus, the poem sounds like it's a popular one, especially since he won the Nobel Prize for Literature for it!
We've also met the hybrids. Josephine, Phoebe, Widget, Pinky, and Bruce. We also know a hybrid named Hurricane was killed by Bruce. And Bruce might be the most effective of the hybrids at being a potential weapon for the military. I have to describe Zachary's relationship to each of these hybrids.
Today's unanswered questions:
* What are they doing with the hybrids, exactly?
* Who are the people assembled at the Complex for the presentation in Chapter 4?
* Is Zachary a murderer?
Stay tuned!
I flew to DC for work on Wednesday, and on the plane and in the hotel before and after I was done for the day, I finished Chapter 3. Amazing! The best part was, I went right into Chapter 4 on the plane ride home and got probably 1/3 of the way into it.
Thursday night I was so excited about finished Chapter 3 that I was kind of jumping on the hotel bed. I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking of where the story goes next, practicing dialogue in my head...it was awesome!
I have a LOT of work to do, but it's fun.
I have been doing a little background research into genetic engineering, basically to update myself on where the technology is now as opposed to where it was 10 years ago when I was thinking of this topic. I need terms and scientific info so that I can base my fiction in fact. I won't need to get overly technical...especially since this is a YA novel... but I still need to know HOW it would WORK. I think that the researchers at the Complex are working on proteomics, which is the study of the interaction between proteins and gene sequences. A major area of interest to scientists today is how proteomics might help in the development of drugs, treatments, etc. for a variety of diseases.
It may be that the work there at the Complex is not so much about developing a soldier or weapon, but finding cures for diseases. I'm not sure, though. Overall, their goal is to...what? See, I need to clarify that so I know what they want Zachary for. Like I said, my work is cut out for me.
In other news, Jacob is developing a character. I spent awhile yesterday reading up on Rudyard Kipling, because I decided out of the blue that Jacob is a distant relation to Kipling (they share the same last name) and wanted to see if that happened to be a good match for him. Turns out, YES. I think some literary correlations will be found as I write this. Note to self: read the poem "If...". Possibly find a title for the book within this poem. At the very least, it could provide an abstract framework for Jacob's motivations and career choices. Plus, the poem sounds like it's a popular one, especially since he won the Nobel Prize for Literature for it!
We've also met the hybrids. Josephine, Phoebe, Widget, Pinky, and Bruce. We also know a hybrid named Hurricane was killed by Bruce. And Bruce might be the most effective of the hybrids at being a potential weapon for the military. I have to describe Zachary's relationship to each of these hybrids.
Today's unanswered questions:
* What are they doing with the hybrids, exactly?
* Who are the people assembled at the Complex for the presentation in Chapter 4?
* Is Zachary a murderer?
Stay tuned!
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