This thing still on?

I felt like I should log in here again-- because I am thinking that if I do, I will somehow get kicked into gear again and get this book written! I know I haven't written much...well, anything... in about two months and that blows. But I guess I can't beat myself up. Life kind of sucked this summer.

Anyway, I have still been thinking about things. And I have some new inspirations to draw on. One is "Fringe", the new JJ Abrams show that kicks ass. In particular, I have fallen in love with the character of Dr. Walter Bishop. I love the questionable nature of his experiments; his willingness to risk everything for his work; his sad past; his strange babblings and complicated-yet-simple (somehow, it works!) relationship with his son. I have to admit I started wondering about his son right away... did he create his son? Seems like it. I know that this past week, we learned what really happened and why he and his son are connected (spoiler: they were both dead at one point), but I still have fun drawing parallels to my own book and imagining what it could be like if Dr. Bergen was a little more lost in his work. I don't want to make a Walter Bishop clone, of course! But it does get me thinking about the eccentricities that would probably be par for the course with scientists working on unethical research, especially the ones that would die for what they created. Watching this show has made me realize that I have room to develop Dr. Bergen a little more than I have already. I probably SHOULD, actually! He's kind of an important character.

I've also been inspired by Hurley. It's strange, but he just invigorates my day and I feel connected to him in a very cool way. He's a fantastic dog with a near-perfect temperment and I swear, he never does anything bad. I love just rolling around with him, copying his "boxing" moves, talking to him and playing with him like I am a dog, too. I know, I know; by doing this, I am not exactly exerting my "master" status in the house. What kind of leader gets down on the floor and talks like a dog, too? Well, I guess I do. I know it because I still have the upper hand, and he obeys me and plays by all of my rules. It's just that we are friends, too. I can't explain it very well. I just think it gets my thoughts going in the direction of animal-human bonds and what they can mean on a very visceral level. I want to capture some of this friendship-feeling with some of Zachary's relationships with the animals in his life. What was Feem really like? How did he behave with her, and how did she show her affection and respect? Zachary, being what he is, would have deep connections and complicated relationships with the dolphins and hybrids.

Also-- why did I give him a dog? Was Dingo only a plot device for that first chapter? Sometimes I wonder about that. I think there can be something more to that particular relationship, too. Dingo appears to be the only non-cetacean and non-hybrid animal on the base. Why did they give him a dog? Did Zachary choose him? What's the backstory? What does Dingo do that makes Zachary happy, and does he do anything or have quirks that Zachary tolerates but doesn't like? There's no reason not to add a little more of ME to the book, and doing it through the animal relationship descriptions is probably a very natural way for me to do it.

So, the point of all of this is: I have to write again. VERY soon.

I will!

Because there's another thing to consider: I don't really want to be a business magazine writer for the rest of my life. I want a fiction-writer career. I let myself gloss over that dream, thinking I don't deserve it for some strange reason (stupid, stupid low self-esteem issues!) or that it is out of my reach. I've been learning so much about myself these days, and that kind of thinking needs to be unacceptable, going forward. I don't suck as a writer, or as a person. I'm...not that bad. And you know what else? This book is not that bad, too.